I like It Rough
by MarieHenry
Summary: Steve never thought that loving Tony stark could be so difficult. AU, some OOC. Maybe some relationships in the future, I try to update every day. Rated M for Sexual content, Language, Abusive relationships, Drug use, Slash, etc.
1. Chewing On Pearls

** A/N: This is my first fic in YEARS, the last time I wrote something, it was back in 2007, so bear with me. :)**

**Chapter 1**

**11:00 PM Los Angeles, CA**

"Tony, come to bed," I say from the doorway of the basement workshop. He doesn't look back- he probably didn't hear me. I walk behind him and place my hand on his shoulder, "Tony..."  
He turns around and looks at me, his eyes have dark, dark circles under them. His lips pressed into a firm line, making him look older than he is. The last time he slept was about two days ago.

"I'm fine," He brushes my hand off his shoulder.

"Tony, please, it's been-"

"Two days, Steve, I'm fine," He cuts me off and turns his back to me, "I can sleep when these repairs are finished."

"You can't keep yourself locked in here all the time," I'm trying to stay calm, but my blood is starting to boil.

"Can and will, is there a point to this, Spangles?" He asks, there's an edge to his voice.

"The point is that I'm worried about you and I-" I'm cut off again as he lets out a sigh and stands up.

"Look, worrying about me isn't going to do anything, just go back upstairs," He spoke quietly, keeping his back to me.

"I'm not going anywhere, not until you decide to talk about this, with me or with Dr. Banner,"

Tony turns around to look at me, the same look on his face. My heart jumps in my chest, I've only seen him angry like this a few times. His hands are in fists, and his jaw, clenched.

"Jarvis, please show Steve the stairs," He says slowly. The MK 47 walks around his workbench and starts to push at me to leave. Tony has made his choice about how he'll deal with the trauma that happened in New York, I don't seem in the equation for that choice.

**3:20 AM  
** I turn over, he's still not in bed. He's not coming to bed, I tell myself, he'll never come to bed. The bedroom floor is cold from my feet as I rise from the bed. I turn the lock on the bedroom door and open my overnight bag. The small baggie is sitting on top of folded shirts and jeans, full of white powder and tempting. I need to stay awake.

It's suddenly in my hand, the baggie. I sit back on the bed and empty a bit of the contents into the webbing between my thumb and forefinger. The dust hits my nasal passages and I feel the instant rush to my head.

"What the fuck am I doing?" I ask myself. You're doing cocaine, a voice in the back of my head tells me. It sounds oddly like Tony, smart-assed and overconfident like the prick he is. My fingers flick the baggie back into my duffel. Tony, Tony, Tony, the name is repeating in my head, and just who the fuck does he think he is anyways? Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, in-the-fucking-closet-with-an-avenger, jackass. All of these swim in my head and I know they're true, he and I sneak around, fulfilling fangirl dreams, while he parades around in public with that bitch, Pepper. I'd like to knock her out.

Knocking, knocking. I sit up, someone's knocking at the bedroom door. Probably has been, I've lost track of time again, how long have they been at the door? I stand up and wipe under my nose, then wipe my hands on my sleep pants. Tony still doesn't know, he can't know.

"Steve, open the damn-" He stops as I fling the door open, probably a bit too enthusiastically. His eyes red, wet, Tony won't admit it, but I know he's been crying. He wraps his arms around me and my lips find his in the dark.

He's surprisingly forceful, pinning me back against a wall. I am an escape, nails digging into my chest and dragging down slowly. The moans escaping me only encourage his behavior, he pulls at the waistband of my sleep pants and drags them down. I don't resist, instead staring, wanting as he strips, the glowing of his arc reactor illuminating our skin.

Tony grabs my hair, pulling downwards. His lips meet mine for a split second before forcing me further down. This isn't about me, us, mutual feeling, this is about him. I am a tool for his escape, I am solely there for his enjoyment. I know all of this and still I don't resist.

It doesn't take long for him to get what he wants, a man who once prided himself on skill and the ability to last. The taste in my mouth is sour, but I swallow, he smiles down at me, ruffling my hair. It's over, I'm not getting anything. The door shuts as he leaves to shower, leaving me alone, blue balled, and nude on the bedroom floor.

My head pounds and I crawl into bed. The drug was cut or something, or I've built up a resistance, either way, I'm already coming down. Maybe it was the bad sex, or lack thereof, or the bad coke, but my mood has gone from bad to worse. My eyes finally slip closed and I allow myself to fall asleep, he's not coming to bed anyways.


	2. Straightening Curls

**Chapter 2**

My duffel bag hit the floor of my New York apartment, dust floated up into the light coming through the blinds. The dismal state of the apartment wasn't doing anything for my mood, I could already tell. I glanced over a framed picture of myself and Tony at a party, drinks in our hands. The last thing he said to me before I departed his doorstep playing in my head.

_"I have a few press conferences to attend, it might be a bit before we can see each other again..."  
_They never made a difference beforehand, why should they now? Right, because as far as the media is concerned, Pepper is his girlfriend, she's probably convinced as well. There is no difference except for how Tony feels about life, how he wants to run away from everything. I should have known better, when he started sneaking into my bunk on the Helicarrier.

The look on Thor's face when he discovered us, somewhat understanding. A clumsy explanation about two warriors in need. He didn't mention it to anyone else, whatever he saw is obviously acceptable on Asgard, but when I was a young man...  
"I'm still a young man," I say out loud to calm my thoughts. My fingers fumble with the baggie, there are two lines sitting on my coffee table. Part of me wonders how he would feel if he found out about my habit. Probably upset- more so than he has been the past few months. I lean forward and inhale, what if he found out?  
A sadistic smile crosses my face, wouldn't it be nice if he did? If the tables were turned. My heart races and my eyes dilate, it's the strength serum all over again. Or at least, it feels that way, I feel stronger, faster, somehow better. Better than the weak man I was a minute ago.

My phone rings and I look at the display, it's Tony. Why should I talk to him? I can just let it go to voice mail, he's not worth my time anyways, not right now. Eventually the ringing stops and I switch it to silent. One voice mail left, he must be feeling sorry for himself.

_"Hey Spangles- Steve, I wanted to apologize for how I've acted the past few days, if you can give me a call back, that'd be great."  
_He's probably drowned himself in another bottle, too bad that it never had an effect on me. I'd probably be the same way, drunk, feeling sorry for treating someone who cares like shit. A few moments pass before he calls again, this time I tap the screen to ignore the call. Not worth my time.  
_"Steve, if you could pick up...Please..."  
_Not worth it, he keeps calling, what's the deal? Did he come out to pepper. I finally switch my phone off and carve out another white line along the glass coffee table. Perfect, straight ridges disappearing as soon as they're laid. I think of the snow when I crashed the plane, my last thought as I was crashing the plane.  
My chest suddenly tightens and I grab at my shirt. How did I go through that whole bag already? I stand up to pull my shirt off, the room is suddenly hot, I'm sweating as if I'd just had another fight with Thor. My vision becomes spotty, I look at the corner, swearing I heard someone behind me.  
"Steve, you need to stop." Tony takes a few steps towards me, he's in his suit, face bloody. Looking like a fallen angel once again, how the hell...  
The mirrored closet doors jump closer, I can hear the glass break. I can't move, instead the world fades around me, a distinct wet feeling against my head. Every feeling fades, and suddenly, I'm left, alone, in the dark.

"One...two...three..." Someone's voice echoes.  
Why are you counting?  
"I need seventy-nine CC's of Sodium Bicarbonate!"

Need...what? My eyes open and I'm being wheeled through a hallway, a woman has a mask over my face and is helping me breathe. Everything is bright, I'm strapped down, my chest feels as if it's on fire. My vision and hearing fades again, everyone's voices fading out.

A shrill beeping wakes me up, I'm in a dimly lit hospital room and dressed in a hospital gown. I look around, spotting Tony sitting cross-legged, staring at me from the chair across from the bed.  
"Hey," The word slips from my lips.

"Hey?" He asks, "Is that all that you have to say for yourself?"  
"I...I didn't want you to find out like-" I stammer, still weak from waking up. He's standing now, taking a few steps towards me.

"You didn't want me to know at all," Tony's voice is level and calm. He Looks down at me, his eyes are wet, his expression somewhere between a half-smile and worry.

"You're right," I whisper.

"You're lucky that your neighbors are so damn nosy,"

I stay quiet and stare at him. Not a single snarky comment, not some smartass remark about my habit. This isn't a side I've seen.

"How long?" He asks, I'm almost afraid to say. Since the first press conference? Blame your friends? My mouth opens and closes, and I look down at the hospital blanket. He asks again, "How long, Steve?"

"Since last spring," I keep my gaze down, "Right after New York,"

He purses his lips and nods, staying quiet. The air becomes heavy around us, deafeningly silent and suffocating. The beeping of the heart monitor seems miles away and I feel as if years are passing us. Finally, I break the silence.  
"Why do you care?" I ask, he looks hurt.  
"Be- because, I..." His voice cracks and there are tears streaming down his cheeks. He opens and closes his mouth several times, and finally settles on shaking his head.

"You what?" I press.  
He leans forward and presses his lips against me. My eyes go wide, Tony Stark, in public, with another man. My arms wrap gently around him and I pull him into an embrace. I can't give him up, this relationship hurts more than anything, but I can't stop now.

The crunch of cellophane plastic being crushed by flowers makes him jerk back. We both stare at the doorway, Pepper stands with a bouquet of carnations at her feet. She shakes her head in disbelief, letting out a small sigh and turning around to leave.  
Tony walks away from the bed and chases her down the hall, calling after her. "Pepper, wait!"


	3. Hard Girl

**A/N: Just a few revisions, I wish didn't hate formatting, I have a bit of an issue with it.**

**Chapter 3**

**12:00 AM New York**

It's been a month or so since I've left the apartment, I've been avoiding the media attention. Magazines and news stories erupted the second I left the hospital. Some resident had gotten lucky and snapped a few photos of the events at the hospital. Tony's lips against mine, the embrace, and most importantly, according to the media, his distraught 'girlfriend' running away from the scene.

My phone vibrates on the table, its a text from Tony. I let out a sigh of relief and open the message. Pepper has finally moved on, but he wants a bit longer to officially come out. I laugh, there truly is no privacy in being an avenger nor in being involved with Tony Stark. A knock on the door tears my attention from looking through pictures of he and I in an album on my phone.

I open the door and look down at the woman from across the hall, she smiles up at me. Had I not met Tony, I'd probably marry someone like her. She runs a hand through her hair, giving a lopsided smile up to me. Grocery bags sit at either side of her feet, she's taken up my shopping until the reporters decide to go away.

"Anne, come in," I breathe and let her in.

"Seriously, Steve, you could help me carry the bags up the stairs, the elevator's been broken a week now," She complains as she walks past me with a few bags, leaving me to grab the rest.  
I follow her into the kitchen and start to put the groceries away, laughing softly. She's the one who thought someone had broken into my apartment when I overdosed, a normal citizen that I find myself in debt to.

"So," Anne turns around and smiles at me, leaning against the counter, "how goes with the media sensation, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist?"  
"Other than a few phone calls, and text messages, we're trying to keep things low-key," I respond. Truth be told before this whole fiasco, I didn't even know what a text message was, she had to show me. Part of me longs for before phones had cameras and 'applications'...and screens for that matter.

"They've caught on that I'm buying groceries for you," She remarked, "I wouldn't be surprised if the tabloids decided that we were together."

"Drop it, Anne, I hopped the fence before I even met you," I laugh at her. She glares and shakes her head at me.  
"In your all-american dreams, Spangles, if I went for anyone with superpowers, it'd be Thor,"

"You don't even know him!"

"Yes, but from what you told me, he seems even more hilarious than you, when it comes to current technology,"

"He looks like...what was that artist that you like so much? Kurt Cobain?"

"Kurt Cobain is dead, has been for over twenty years, no comparison."

"It's the hair," I'm laughing by now. If there was one thing Anne is good for, it's making me laugh.

**2:45 AM**

She passes out on the couch of my living room and I find a blanket for her. Another night sleeping on my couch, I begin to wonder what that boyfriend of hers thinks. I wonder if he thinks at all, half the time all I hear him do is yell if he's over. The other half...well, sometimes I wish I didn't have the hearing I did.  
I look down at her, the black shirt she's wearing has ridden up her torso a sliver, showing a bruise along her torso. Without thinking, I raise her shirt a bit, the bruises extend up past where her arm holds the fabric down along her midsection. Rage boils in my chest as I cover her body with the blanket.

I slip out my apartment into the empty hall and knock on the door across the way. I can hear people inside, a man comes to the door, shirtless and reeking of smoke. His greasy hair hangs in his face as he leans forward and greets me.  
"Uh, Yeah man?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Excuse me for bothering you so late, but I'm looking for Anne's boyfriend," I force a smile at the greasy stoner at the door.

"Yeah, just a second man, lemme go get him.." He leaves the door open, walking into the apartment. Stale smoke floats in the air, illuminated by the changing light of the television. A few minutes go by before a slightly taller man black hair comes to the door. He steps out and closes the door behind him.  
"Evening, name's Mike," He extends a hand and looks serious.  
"Steve," I shake his hand and nod. The same size as the bruises, I've found my womanbeater.  
Mike tilts his head, and asks, "Is there a problem, _Steve_?"

I grip him by his shirt and lift him, slamming him into the wall of the complex. Thankfully I found a stud, he stares down at me in horror. My face is twisted as he begins to panic and struggle.

"Dude, What the hell, Man?!" He yells.  
I lean forward, and whisper into his ear, "You'd better listen close, _Mike_, Anne is like a little sister to me, nod if you understand,"  
He swallows and nods.  
"Now if you lay another hand on her, I'll put my hands on you, is that clear, _Mike?_"  
"You've already put your hands-"  
I lift him higher and snarl, "_Is that clear?"_  
He nods and I drop him, stepping away. I smile down at him as he scrambles to enter his apartment. I turn around and hear Anne's apartment door open behind me. Pain strikes my left shoulder and my knees buckle. I look back to see Mike holding a bat and staring down in confusion at the cheap, bent aluminum.

He takes another swing at me and I snatch the bat from him, crumpling the metal in my hand like paper.  
"That was rude," I speak calmly, dropping the weapon, "You should go inside now, before I change my mind about if and when I'll put my hands on you,"  
"Yeah, sure, no...no problem man," Mike stammers before retreating once again into his apartment.

I walk through my doorway and Anne is sitting up on the couch. She looks over at me and gives a sad smile. She's heard it all, what I said to him, the baseball bat, everything.  
"Anne, I..." I start off but she cuts me off.  
"No, thank you, really," She keeps smiling, "Everyone needs to be saved at least once in a while,"

Anne lies back down, eventually falling asleep after I retreat into my bedroom for the night. _Everyone needs to be saved at least once in a while._ I think the phrase over and over again, looking through pictures in my phone. _Everyone needs to be. _My phone is clutched in my hand as I doze off, a picture of Tony against my heart. _Saved._


	4. The Man who Dims My Shine

**A/n: The reason this has been so fucking slow is because I have no excuse. That's my excuse. ****_Because._**

**Chapter 4**

I stared at the empty cell in the belly of the behemoth helicarrier, tears welled up in my eyes. Everything seemed so unfamiliar, like I was an alien in my planet. The picture of her on the altitude gauge as I took the plane down, asking her for a rain-check on that dance.

_Peggy..._  
She's out of my life now, probably married someone after I took a nose dive. Tears dripped from my chin and to the floor. I sniffled and wiped them from my eyes, suddenly aware of an...irritating presence behind me.  
"Didn't know prisons made you so sad, Spangles," Tony snarled from behind me. I hate him, I've hated him since I met him, big man in a suit of armor. No skill, even less tact, just some rich boy in a toy he built. I try to ignore his comment and push past him, he blocks my path and looks at me. Something's strange about his expression, almost like he's trying to be sympathetic.

"What?" I ask, looking down at him.

"Look," He glances around suspiciously, "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here,"

"Stark, I'm not up for your jokes," I try to push past him again, for a smaller man, he's strong.

"I'm serious," His voice is low and gravely before he lets me leave. What the hell does he mean that he's _serious_? Has he shoved his ego aside and decided to care for another human being other than himself? Not likely.

* * *

I retreat to my room for the night, staring at the ceiling. The dull hum of the engine reaching my ears through the many levels of the ship. Damn super hearing, it's been more of a hindrance than a help. Memories float through my head about my brief time as a super soldier in the second world war, everything and everyone that I've lost.

"God dammit!" I yell aloud, slugging the wall. My hand sears in pain, small dents in the metal from my knuckles. I've lost my cool, but everything is just too damn strange, I've never felt more alone than I do now. Even with Tony constantly bugging me, _Tony, billionaire jackass._

Tony is a completely different matter, offering me a shoulder to cry on. He must have a huge pair or be incredibly stupid to mock another man like that. No way in hell he's actually serious about helping me...

The door to my room slides open, I hold still and hear slow footsteps behind me. Must have lost track of time stewing in my own thoughts. The scent of cologne hits my nose and I breathe deeply.

Tony.

"Can I help you?" I ask quietly, he doesn't answer me. This is ridiculous, what the hell does he want? Instead of trying to start confrontation, I turn over and sit up.

He stands over me, shirtless, the glow of his arc reactor accentuates every cut muscle. The blue light barely reaches his face, but I can tell that something is bothering him. He stares down into my eyes, inhaling slowly before finally speaking.

"Spangles, I..." His voice cracks and he blinks several times, as if to gather his thoughts. The worry is clear in his voice. He swallows and runs his hands through his hair, his heart is racing, almost thudding like a war drum.

"What is it?" I keep my voice down.

Tony looks around and then bends down. Everything seems to move in slow motion, but I can't find it in me to react. His lips press firmly against mine and I freeze. This is wrong, this is disgusting . and wrong, but I can't pull away. He takes a step back and looks down at me.

"That," He breathes. I'm still sitting on my bed in shock, trying to process what just happened. I shake my head and finally gain my wits.  
"I...I need some time to think," I stammer, still unsure of what just happened. He has to be drunk, but why can't I smell booze on him. This isn't right, I'm dreaming, I must be. Tony leaves the room and I'm alone again, with my thoughts.

* * *

An hour passes and I decide to try to see if there is something to what happened. I walked down to Tony's room, slipping through the door. He sits at the edge of his mattress with his head in his hands. My throat is like sandpaper, and I swallow as I kneel in front of him. Tony gasps when I grab him by his chin and kiss him gently. Quiet, small whimpers escape him, he must have expected something completely different.

His hands travel down my chest and he breaks the kiss. There are no protests from either end, instead there are sounds of rapid, desperate breathing. Clothes land on the floor and we're both nude, illuminated by the glow of his arc reactor. Tony's fingers brush my thigh and I gasp, he's taking charge in this and I feel powerless, no, I am powerless, to stop him.

The feeling of his hand moving gently, back and forth. I tilt my head back and lean against the cold wall. Nothing has felt this good, not even my hand. This is something that should be wrong, that should_ feel wrong, but it doesn't._ Instead it feels amazing, the feeling of Tony's hand on me, his lips on my throat, _his_, another man, _amazing._ The building pressure eventually tips me over the edge and I explode over his hand and forearm. My face burns red and he chuckles softly before kissing me.

"Christ, that was..." I breathe, but he presses a finger of his clean hand over my lips.

"Ssh, it's not over, Spangles," He whispers, guiding me to my knees. I take him into my mouth and he groans before grabbing my hair. Tony guides me along, quietly mumbling what to do, how to do it, how it feels. The moment he comes, I jerk back, not expecting it. Instead of landing in my mouth, it covers my neck and chest like a hot, sticky necklace.

He smiles in bliss down at me, muttering softly, "You didn't do so bad for your first time."

His statement only makes me blush more. He chuckles at my embarrassment, grabbing a towel and handing it to me.

"Thanks" I say while I wipe off my face, neck and chest. He nods in acknowledgment, beginning to clean up and dress himself. There is nothing else to say, maybe this is a one time thing, maybe it's more than once. There's no way to know, instead I get dressed and retreat to my bedroom for the night, not knowing what to expect to come from this.


End file.
